Don’t leave your shit in the “coat room” at parties

‘cause some hipster college student that lives in L train Brooklyn will steel the scarf you worked 3 AM inventory at an Urban Outfitters in downtown Manhattan to get a 40% discount on (among other benefits) and you’ll leave with your entire outfit smelling like cigarette smoke (a smell you hate) to then douse your pea coat in the anti-microbial Febreeze you bought freshman year when you started smoking weed, and despite being pissed about having your 40% off Urban Outfitters scarf stolen upon getting on the train and being kind of over it by the time you get home—too preoccupied with ridding your clothes of the smell of tobacco smoke without spending money you don’t have to do another load of laundry—this won’t change the fact that when you’re walking home after a night of drunken white kids trying to find the beat to dubstep songs with no melody, the air will seem to have gotten a little colder.